Architecture||Precedents and Memories

there’s always a lot of talk about precedents in our studies at NJIT, and I imagine there’s similar emphasis elsewhere. there are thousands of amazing buildings out there of every typology, size, and budget, showing us ingenious solutions to pretty much any problem a project could hold. so, we study precedents, we discuss them, we make presentations, on and on… and before you know it, people are discussing your new work in relation to these precedents. wait, what?

yes, precedents are important, but we’ve all felt how useless a review is where the crits can only compare it to other past buildings. “have you seen so-and-so’s xyz project? I think he resolved this issue a lot better there, and you should see how he uses generic technique and building element, it’s really interesting.” another crit chimes in. “sure, you could look at that project, but I really think what’s-his-face has a greater connection with his abc building in wherever.” they chat on and on about these big namers and historical figures and you suddenly realize you’re not being reviewed anymore; they’re just arguing about famous buildings. you don’t matter anymore. it happens with students, too. someone shows us their work and asks for our opinion, and all we get is “it looks like the something something building.” it’s as though people can’t see the ideas behind the project.

I’m not saying EVERY conversation is like this, but it happens a LOT. I really appreciate it when people manage to look at what’s actually going on in my building. a lot of non-famous buildings have great solutions too, all you have to do is look at them carefully and consider them as though they were big A architecture. we all have the ability to think critically, to observe and learn, I think we should be doing that more than learning names and dates.

this isn’t to say that precedents are BAD. it’s to say that people look at them in the wrong way. they notice a superficial similarity between our projects and a precedent, but it’s not the driving idea in our project. we look more at what the architect intended in HIS project and his theories in general, rather than the similarities within the operations of buildings. we don’t distill meanings from the plethora of buildings we see. often, the reason architects can get famous is they do exactly that – distill their own set of rules from the information around them. Corb’s five points don’t work because he was famous, he was famous because his five points worked (or at least, they worked for what his clients wanted). sure, the rules these people set are dramatic and distinctive, but there’s no reason you can’t have your own simple rules that you form over time. that’s what personal style is, really, a set of rules that work for you over time. if you never learn to fabricate rules for yourself, you’ll never be recognizable.

everyone always asks me how I can come up with all the stuff I draw on my arm. the answer is that they follow simple rules. the one I drew on tuesday had only three rules – 1.) make smooth curves that split in two 2.)the splits must only flow in one direction 3.) the ultimate terminating ends of any branch must fork one final time with a length of .25″. that was it. if you have those rules, you just start filling the space. it’s simple. I wish it were equally simple to come up with functional rules concerning my architecture, but obviously the subject is more complex. it’ll take time, but I think I can do it. sometimes there are rules embedded in your work that you don’t even realize, and it takes another person’s eyes to identify them.

this is what it comes down to with precedents, I guess. instead of diagramming public/private or showing circulation with dotted lines, we all need to be looking at HOW the building does things. strip away the style its architect worked in, take away the name, forget EVERYTHING but the building, by itself, on its own. pretend one of your classmates drew it up. look at the areas that make it do what it does, without labels, and maybe you’ll see what’s actually functioning. labels kill us, and crits are worse about it than WE are. this is the area where the uninitiated have it all over us studious little archies – they walk into a building and pretty instantly know how it feels. they may not have the vocabulary to describe it, so they may not say anything, but they know how the space feels. maybe we need to work on a “mind, no mind” kinda zen thing when analyzing, but then apply our vocabulary over our findings afterwards. I dunno. I’m going to have to think harder and longer about how to take action on this.

Personal||Frustration

I see myself continually failing to improve in areas that I care about, getting involved in endless squabbles that should be finished with one question, and falling short of every expectation. this is, of course, not always true; I definitely make some improvements, meet some expectations, and resolving some conflicts, but my successes seem so limited when compared with my desire to become good, skilled, and trustworthy. I consistently have nightmares about failing tasks and dreading the disapproval that will follow, or hurting people by accident. it’s not that I’m worthless; it’s that I’m stuck.

and even while I feel a deep pain born of disconnection, I feel a growing sense of unreality when forced to interact with most people that leads me to care less and less. it HAS to just be me, because most people seem to enjoy the conversations with just about anyone around them, but if it’s me, they all clam up. I know that I am obnoxious and a jabberjaw, but it seems like there’s something deeper at work. even when people do take the time to engage me, even when people say how much they enjoy our conversations, it seems distant, removed, and ineffective. the fog around me gets denser daily. most days the best solution appears to be withdrawing further within myself. everyone tells me it’s the wrong answer, but it seems like the one that will get the fewest people hurt in the process.

of course, there’s no real way to do that in this world. I’m pursuing architecture as a career because I desperately want to design something that will last, something tangible, durable, but what architect can stay secluded? there are virtually no jobs which allow for complete isolation. also, I don’t want to be isolated, really. yes, that’s the surface desire, but it’s born of the struggle of everyday life constantly telling me I’m no good; of COURSE I want to be alone when I feel like a pile of waste. but deeper than than being alone, I want to fix myself. I want to see you and hear you clearly, I want to come through in the clutch, I want to feel something other than disappointment with myself and others. I know that there’s a lot to live for in this world; many times I feel like I’m on the verge of a breakthrough, about to stumble into a clearing where suddenly it all makes sense and I can see the path home clearly, but it’s never true. I’m still here struggling to understand why I exist at all.

I’m not sure whether to tell you all to run away from me or to hold me tight. I’ve lost my sanity more than once, done things I’ll always regret, moments that shock me to my core looking back; few of you know about them, though apparently there are some rumors going around about me. I’ve been told some people are afraid of me and what I might do. they’re probably right to be afraid, because I don’t know if I’ll always be able to take it out on solitude. I wish I was a gentle, calm, simple man, but I just seem to complicate myself further and further. I almost want to ask for help. but I can’t yet.

blah. this is pointless.